Brahma Kumaris at United Nations

15 May 2008
In honor of the United Nation’s International Day of the Family a very important topic was taken for the NGO DPI briefing. “Fathers and Families: Responsibilities and Challenges”

The role the father plays in the family was put in perspective by a film shown at the start of the briefing. Parents Action founded by Rob Reiner had their movie “To Be a Father” presented it was hosted by Ray Romano, who said according to scientific studies, “by being involved fathers can have a profound impact on their kids.” The key is for mom and dad to parent together, a mother’s way of picking up the child is predictable she gets the child and holds the baby close and 9 times out of 10 a dad’s way of picking up the child is unpredictable, wanting the child to be active and is playful in his way of holding the child. A dad encourages the child to take risks…to swim in the deep end moms’ and dads’ styles can compliment one another. Even when it is difficult to stay in contact due to divorce or incarceration it is important for the father to do what is best for the children. Jails offer classes for fathers to learn about nurturing their children. This film showed the very significant positive influences a father can have on the lives of children if he plays an active role from pregnancy through life and it ended with the underlying message for fathers ….be there, be there, be there….
A couple of websites with parenting information are:
parentsaction.org
nationalpartnership.org

Mrs. Joyce C. Kafambo, Minister Plenipotentiary, Permanent Mission of the United Republic of Tanzania to the United Nations, pointed out that the Universal Declaration of Human Rights states in Article16 (3) The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State.”In the African society family is very important, our lives revolve around the family. Decisions affecting our lives have to involve the family. A family like any other organization has a leader, in our culture that leader is the father.” A father is the leader of the family and the chief decision maker…the family unit in Africa is not just the nuclear family but includes aunties and uncles and grandparents. The role of fatherhood is set by different cultural influences. Things are starting to change in Africa but traditionally the role of the father with the child and the family is of the provider. From a young age boys are socialized to be the providers, leaders and the decision makers while girls are socialized to be the wives, the mothers and the caregivers. The family structure there utilizes extended family of females who are responsible for the nurturing of little children along with the mother. Fathers play more of a role in the children’s’ lives when the children are of school age and beyond.
In the families that have been able to cope with the changes they do well especially the education of the girls in the family.” The central message that I want to say concerning the fatherhood in Africa is that first of all the fathers are denied there the opportunity to be fathers because of the cultures and traditions. It is not only that the men are not willing but the society as a whole is not yet ready to encompass this new thinking.” Involve men in the promotion of equality within the household to teach the boys and not perpetuate the tradition. Fathers do play a unique role and change is necessary but will have to work out something that can work with the society as women have been accepted in more leadership positions.

Ms. Nurpur Ulkuer, Senior Adviser and Chief, Early Childhood Development Unit, UNICEF gave a slide show presentation of studies done around the world of the importance of a positive father figure in the family unit. She pointed out that boys and girls receive different gender socialization messages. And fathers and mothers help children with gender socialization from early babyhood. Some questions being asked are…Absent fathers where are they and how can we bring them back? Are fathers involved? Do we know enough? UNICEF is studying the family structure around the world and putting together a database to address global family issues. Some countries have positive father and grandfather posters to promote the concept of positive masculinity and the good example that can be set from within the family structure. Many challenges remain in the world for the family unit and for parents to be actively and positively involved in the children’s lives. Families are the duty bearers and claim holders.

Prof. Anderson J. Franklin, Department of Counseling, Developmental and Educational Psychology, Boston College, he has a specialty in dealing with African American males. His research focuses on developing his theory of the invisibility syndrome in black males and studying the resiliency and wellbeing in black Americans. He was honored to have the opportunity to present role of fathers and families. He said always fathers have played and important role it is often overshadowed by the significant contributions of mothers. It is necessary to look at how fathers are valued in the family. See how we are working with men, young men, middle aged men -elder- trying to engage men in doing things differently in the family unit as a man and as a father. To understand fathers and families manhood we must understand men’s model of manhood. In order for restructured goals to be met in the family structure and roles of men in families. Three points Professor Anderson believes are related to the topic of fathers and families. Frames a way for us as NGO’s to look at the roles of fathers and men in the work that we do.

1. Fathers are men and therefore are confronted by the challenges men create and face in the world which has a consequence for the family.
2. Fathers as men contribute to family upheaval by the challenges to our conventional notions of family roles.
3. Fathers as men continue to value, power, privilege and domination which influences how we think about and enact fatherhood.

“Now when I say that fathers are men…I am directly acknowledging in this country what we talk about the masculinity ideology and how it supersedes and prescribes how men act and think about being a father.” In working with men primarily focus on what is the concept of being a man and how does that translate into being a father. Men’s participation in being a father is governed by the brotherhood of other men as well as society determines the role of father the notion of father in our heads and how it fits into being a man. This notion of being a man determines how a man embraces paternal responsibilities. See what men did in the past, and present as well as taking a look at expectations in the future. One thought that comes in with a man is that we have to control the world. In rescuing families after hurricane Katrina it seemed that it almost exclusively meant mothers and children. Fathers were out of the loop when it came to aid and often an afterthought in inclusiveness of the family structure. How do we include man in the family even in situations of trauma? Men in the experience of Katrina this often felt more the suspects for looting and mayhem and not family caretakers. This creates a message to men and it begins to underscore existing assumptions and expectations of us as we try to transition into new roles.

Commenting on the second point men are frustrated with changing roles and adaptations. More involved helpful fathers, play with the children…careful not to step on toes of thought of manhood. Traditional role of providing income house feed and clothe the family that’s my job it’s done as well as protecting, men work with this script of being a father. This meets resistance from the brotherhood of men…to preserve traditional roles of men.

The third point being that men stature in the family and the community is paramount for man. Being able to control the surroundings and provide for the welfare of the family as well as the community which provides the insulation. As men we often focus more on systems and institutions external to the family responsibilities. If we take care of the socio economical institutions the family will also be taken care of. And thus the responsibilities of care have been assigned to the woman and the mother because the men have other priorities. Men translate their masculinity into the ability to be dominant over these institutions. What is going on in Myanmar is an example of male privilege gone wrong as they are caught up with the institution of the community and not the family. Child development is increasingly structured outside of conventional family unit. What you do at home is a model for what your children will later do in their home.

The panel was moderated by Maria-Louisa Chavez.

Kymberly Schneider